For most of my life,
I could give you the benefit of the doubt.
If you made a mistake—
I could make room for it.
For me?
Different rules.
It’s right or it’s wrong.
I’m a success or I’m a failure.
The world is black and white.
No space in between.
I spent years working in substance abuse treatment centers.
Helping people understand relapse.
Helping them start again.
I knew what to say.
Progress, not perfection.
Telling them there’s a lot of space for gray between black and white.
And then I relapsed.
I was crushed by it.
For you, it was progress not perfection.
For me it was failure.
No gray.
I tried to manage it on my own.
Didn’t work.
Tried again.
Failed.
Took a business trip I told myself would be fine.
It wasn’t.
I moved to an older version of my life,
back on the road.
Applied the same rules I had always lived by.
Right or wrong.
On track or off.
Over time, I started to see
there was space for me
between black and white.
And my life got better.
There was a moment recently where I felt that black and white pattern start again.
I was standing in front of several hundred people,
speaking at my father-in-law’s memorial.
Representing the family.
At one point, I turned to speak directly to his wife.
They were high school sweethearts.
Married sixty-five years.
And it hit me.
All at once.
I could feel it rising.
My throat tightened.
Breathing stopped.
Tears right there.
And in an instant,
the old message showed up.
“Don’t blow this.”
Be strong.
People are counting on you.
Keep it together.
“You’re blowing this.”
And the biggest message of all.
“You’re a failure. Leave.”
But I didn’t leave.
I stayed with it.
It wasn’t smooth.
I struggled with control.
I took a breath.
And I stayed in the gray—.
In front of everyone.
Just as I was.
Not perfect.
Not comfortable.
Not clean.
But I stayed there and finished.
And that was enough.
Right now,
I’m not someone with answers.
Just a fellow traveler.
Still learning how to stay in the gray.
— Mark Wigginton
Midlife Guide | Next Chapter Navigator
📬 MarkW@FocusingOnResults.com
🌐 www.focusingonresults.com
🔗 Connect with me on LinkedIn
P.S. If this message resonated with you, it might speak to someone else too. Forward it to a friend who’s ready for their next chapter—you never know what kind of shift a few words of encouragement can spark.
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